Saturday, 31 October 2009

Curb Your Punctuation

Now that I’m working full-time I’ve taken up multitasking. Most recently I’ve mashed together the tasks of exercising, reading, commuting, snacking and budgeting. I get off 4 stops earlier on my way to work, walking through South Bank with the latest Hamish & Andy in my ears, Frieze articles in hand and $2.10 saved in my pocket. It’s a nice walk. That time of the morning the city is still dozy. On my way home I juggle Hughsey & Kate, mX and sushi. It’s almost the perfect system. My day could only improve if I lived in London where I'd add showering to the list.

I’m getting old. I wrote a letter to the editor today. Over lunch I read an article in the paper about a woman’s “typical” day. In the 1950’s perhaps. It made me so angry it put me off my sushi. And nothing ever puts me off my sushi. I read about genocide, global warming, Top Gear deflecting to Nine, but this misogynist piece of arghhhhh was enough to turn me into a raging feminist.

Feminism. Religion. Twilight. Battery hens. Let’s never go there. They’re the subjects I get way too passionate about. It was a friendly debate but I still regret the day I tried converting a Catholic. A “cafeteria” Catholic. That’s the worst kind to try and convert because even they contradict their arguments. I was literally banging my head against a desk. For the sake of my tumor-free brain I seriously refuse to debate anyone else again over religion until I’m smart enough to be an atheist.

How many seasons has Curb been going for? Why am I only now just discovering this genius of a show?? It's knocked Arrested Development right off its pedestal. Never thought I'd see the day.

Been reading It's my new until his posts towards Miley Cyrus become nasty again. I don't know what's come over him lately. All I know is I don't want to be a part of it.

Man cleared of kicking bucket was a classic. The animal tales are always a good read. Gay penguins and the activists that support them feature reguarly. Always penguins for some reason. Also read about a swan that's lovesick over a swan shapped paddleboat. And a pig in Sweden that burned his house down. Have I mentioned how great my job is? The day they go through my internet history will be an interesting one.

I never eat salad unless it's on something but I did yesterday. It falls somewhere between a condiment and a meal but it's not yummy enough to rate as a snack so I've never botherered with it on its own. But I gave it a chance. It failed to impress. Maybe if they just added more cheese. I'd be fine eating a mountain of lettuce as long as there's enough cheese intervals to get me through. Most of all it bloated me for the rest of the day. Who goes up a dress size on lettuce? Never again.

I had a fight with someone over punctuation the other day. My life really has turned into a Seinfeld ep. Full stops and the commonsense benefits of using them was the argument. In the end. The debate started over full worded texts. Nothing annoys me more. I can't stand sloppy wording generally but in texts I can't understand why people don't use it. They're a-nothingness, disposable message. Not worth the effort of a full tmw.

Saturday, 17 October 2009

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Apple, Hoarding, ...Dennis?

You know those people that hoard anything they're sure to need one day? That's not exactly my problem. My problem is I hoard things that I know have no good use but rather look pretty. No real surprise. As an artist I'm nothing but aesthetically motivated. It's so bad it extends to well designed packaging. For example, the empty Macbook box sitting in the corner of my kitchen. I had planned to throw it out but it's taken 12 months to bring myself to do it. Saying my goodbye's tomorrow. Most definitely maybe.

I drool over any Apple product. The breathtaking minimalist design. Streamline functionality. And the internal corruption of anything Microsoft when the two collide. I plug in my iPod and Windows goes into a fit. Genius. I converted to Mac at the height of my PC loyalty. But being the person I am, loyalty didn't stand a chance against its sheer prettiness. Turns out they're the Kylie to the Dannii anyway.

Fell asleep with mascara on the other night. The next morning my eyelashes were glued together and I thought I went blind. I told someone the other day I felt like going to the beach. They said I didn't look like a beach person. I asked what gave me away; the transparent skin or my heavy reliance on excessive eye makeup? Now I know.

Wishing my name was spelt with an 'f'. That's how lazy I am. Time to cut back. The 'anie' went some time ago but I think I can do one better.

I had lunch with someone who I had no idea of their name. It's classic Seinfeld. Slipped my mind to ask the first time. It's too embarrassing to ask now. Thankfully three meetings in I'm still getting by. How'd that episode end again?

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Eternity, Free tan, Breaking down scientifically

If I never delete this will my thoughts live on forever? I would guess my kids are going to read this one day if that's the case. Kid I should say. I'm only having one. By surrogate. Stella if a girl. Henry [Harry], boy. A cat named Oliver. And a husband with the intelligence of Stephen Hawkings, minus the wheelchair. Only because these things always end in an affair with the nurse.

When Stephen Hawkings thinks, would his thoughts be in that computerized voice? I don't know what it says about me that that would be the first question I'd ask of the man. When I was in England every thought I had was suddenly in a British accent; my British accent. Even though it's only me hearing it I still felt foolish thinking the same way when I was back home. But while I was there I felt could get away with it.

Looking forward to the next dust storm. Everyone was complaining but they're nothing but beneficial to me. My skin could afford to take a battering of colour. There's a new business moving in next door to work. It's some sort of Asthma clinic. Not too happy the lifts will now be held up by whingers.

Got a headache today. Over a boy. Hate to admit it. It resulted in a cornflake binge, vent via blog post, fetal position & Limewire crashing under the pressure to download too many Sarah Blasko songs. In other words it was a roller-coaster ten minutes.

I don't often blog about love or relationships. Only because the more I think about it the more I tend to rationalize it scientifically. And who wants to endure such a romantic analysis.

I typed "wbu?" for the first time last week. It stuck. I hate it. It's all I ever say online now.

Wanting to run away to Holland to pick tulips for a living. Sounds nice. Been thinking about it for a while now. Still struggling to find a downside.